I have had this “you are stuck” feeling for a while now. I’m feeling on hold, my energy is blocked – nothing comes in, nothing gets out. I am even pulling the same Tarot card over and over again: ironically, it’s the 8 of Cups, “Postponed Success”.
The tarot always knows it all…
What’s blocking me? I have been unconsciously postponing something that’s been calling me: a trip to the “end of the world” where only good things are waiting for me – sunlight, love, nature, friendship, joy, and – Freedom.
But: I couldn’t feel all those good things, the excitement. Instead, I felt imprisoned by that dark – well, what was it? A fear, a whole bundle of fears. Fears, so loud that they had the power to quiet my excitement.
That’s the sound of the ‘Panic Orchestra’: a hyper vigilant and ruminating Mr. Mind and a scared Heart. What a fatal mix!
Yet, the excitement felt like a faint whisper compared to the sound of my fear. I can only hear: “you are not fit enough to take such a long trip”, “maybe it’s just an illusion, nothing will be as you imagined it”. Even Buddy Body can physically sense my fear: my legs go numb, my heart is beating faster and I feel like I am
suffocating.
Fear of the Fear was the worst. It blocked me, held me back, kept me awake at night, It had the power to turn me into a spectator witnessing my own life that is unfolding in front of me, without me actively leading it.
The breakthrough: tapping into the sweet voice of Consciousness. It offers the energy and power to connect us to other options of our lives. When I open up to it, I could hear clearly now: “I don’t just want a comfortable life. I want a thrilling one.”
So, what am I doing here, stuck in Bucharest?
Not leaving is not an option. Not moving is not an option. Not answering this inner
call, this whisper of getting what I’m really yearning for, is not an option. Because
right now, I am not walking the talk, not doing what I preach. I can physically sense
how it feels not to be consistent: my words call for adventure and a fulfilled life, my heart wants to avoid it by all means.
The wisdom: inner barriers and limitations go away only if we pass right through them. Only if we march through our own valley of darkness. Only if we “fly that talk”.
It’s time to leave the “Known” behind. That ticket to New Zealand is the vehicle to freedom, inner freedom, breaking free from overwhelming fears. I know deep inside: I have nothing to lose, everything to win.
